Today is Easter, the holiest day of the year for Christians. Today we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. So of course the first thought on my mind when I woke this morning was “how about a new list”.

I started to make a list of the 10 most popular Lent misconceptions. I know, boring… So then I thought I’d try to get to the true meaning of Easter with my list. On the first Easter Mary Magdalene witnessed the miracle of Christ’s return after crucifixion. Today, many confused and misinformed Christians of, let’s say, decreased mental capacity, often see Jesus’ return sometimes daily. So how about…

A List of the top places Jesus apparently likes to make an appearance:

10.) Jesus on the Ceiling.

9.) Jesus on a Coconut.

8.) Jesus in Indian Food.

7.) Jesus at the Hospital.

6.) Jesus in a cloud.

5.) Jesus in a Frying Pan.

4.) Jesus in Chewing Gum.

3.) Jesus on Your Cat (“Cheesus” bonus).

2.) Jesus on the Bar-B-Q cover.

And the Number 1 Jesus sighting on our 2010 Easter List:
1.) Jesus in Your Dog’s Butt. Seriously, he’s everywhere.

Well there you have it. Maybe next time I’ll try a list of places Mary likes to make appearances, like in the hair I found stuck to my shower drain. Just take a look for yourself:

By the way, is it just me or does it seem like a disproportionate number of these sightings happen here in Texas? I think that must be what they mean when they say “God Bless Texas”.

Perhaps the only thing more pathetic than giving up on your new blog after only 5 short months, is crawling back after a 5 year hiatus to try and start over. Actually, I suppose one thing even more pathetic would be quitting on your short lived blog because you were so insanely pissed at the political climate you could no longer think straight.

Even though I know nobody reads this thing but me, I am still embarrassed at many things I said here back in 05’. I’m not embarrassed because I think I was wrong, not at all. In fact I still believe very strongly that former President Bush was a disastrous president for America, and I am still disgusted that America re-elected him for a second destructive term. My embarrassment however, is because this was supposed to be a blog about my family and our day to day lives – but instead I allowed it to morph into a place where I would regularly vent my anger at the Bush administration (far more often than I even mentioned anything to do with my family).

I’m going to try and keep my political rants to a minimum this time. Wish me luck.

A lot has happened since my last blog post in 2005. The biggest news story of 05 was, of course, Hurricane Katrina. This was probably the final straw that put me over the top concerning the Bush administration and ultimately led to me bailing on this blog altogether. Katrina was Bush F-up # 1,894,672 and I had decided to step back from my blog and take a break – that lasted 5 years. Anyway, I’m not gonna’ get into Katrina right now or else I will have to start taking blood pressure meds.

Other big news in 2005, Pope John Paul II died, John Roberts was sworn in as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Dick Cheney’s Chief of Staff, agreed to take the bullet for his boss and was indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice. Of course this national traitor was all but pardoned by Bush, er, must…keep…blood…pressure…in…check. On the plus side, in 2005 my family and I took our first ever Staycation, looooong before they became trendy with the global economic collapse three years later.

In 06’ another criminal in Bush’s cabinet was forced to resign, this time Donald Rumsfeld (I’m not doing as well as I had hoped, regarding staying on the topic of my family and daily life). 2006 was a bad year overall for Republicans as several Republican congressmen were brought down by scandals, including Mark Foley, who resigned over sexually explicit messages sent to underage boys, and Randy Cunningham, who pleaded guilty to accepting bribes from defense contractors. House Majority Leader and Good Ol’ Texas Boy Tom Delay resigned after being indicted on campaign finance charges, and Ohio’s Bob Ney pleaded guilty in connection with the probe of lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Plus, Dick Cheney shot his friend in the face while on a canned hunt. Then the Democrats all but swept the mid-term elections. Yea, you could say that 2006 was a bad year for the Red Team.

In family news, 2006 was an incredible year as I became a home-school parent. Home schooling a child is probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, although my daughter is a great student which probably makes it a lot easier on me than it could be. You can expect to see many posts on this topic coming soon as it has become a huge part of my life.

In 2007 O.J. finally went to jail, Miss S.Carolina needed grammar lessons, the Vatican told us that good Catholics don’t use their cell phones while driving, and Brainspout was temporarily shut down for excessive bandwidth usage (which was very weird since, at that time, I hadn’t posted anything in over 2 years) because several other popular websites started linking to a couple of pictures on this site (THIS ONE and THIS ONE). Also, 2007 was the year when everyone in America started talking about something called a “housing bubble”. Hmmm, wonder what a housing bubble is? More to come…

In 2007 my daughters pet dachshund had to be put to sleep, which was a very difficult day for everyone. On a more positive note, Christmas morning of 2007 we surprised our kids with a trip to Disneyland. This would be the first of three Disney trips in less than 2 years. Does that mean we’re addicted? Probably.

In 2008 the era of Reaganomics finally came to an end as the World Economy went right down the crapper, President Bush popularized the term “Bail Out” by helping a few more friends before he left office, and then America elected, basically, “anybody but Bush”.

I’m not belittling the monumental event that was the 2008 Presidential Election. For the first time in our nation’s history an African-American was elected President of the United States – a truly historic moment. Barack Obama ran a masterful campaign with the messages of Hope and Change. Unfortunately, just like waiting on the cashier at McDonald’s, who is rendered helpless because she can’t find that little picture of a BigMac on her keyboard, a year later and I’m still Hoping for some Change.

I honestly believed that after the hell Bush put this country through, whoever won the Democratic nomination would win this election. John McCain made it all the easier by running a dishonest and inept campaign (very much like the Democrats usually do), finally sealing his fate by selecting an unknown, unqualified punch-line of a running mate from Alaska. Talk about a slam dunk for the Blue Team.

Ahhh, there I go again, DARNIT!

On the bright side, the US economic crash enabled me to buy a new car at 0% interest, so it all worked out in the end. Right?

In 2009 the economy continued to nose dive as hundreds of banks closed, tens of thousands of people lost their jobs, and the appreciative, compassionate folks on Wall Street gave themselves multi-million dollar bonuses with taxpayer bail-out money. Iran held an election that seemed eerily similar to the 2000 election here in the United States, Michael Jackson died, Octomom proved some women will do anything for a little attention, Sully saved the day, and so many kids started dying from something called “Swine Flu” they actually shut down MayFest.

As for myself in 2009, full of hope that Obama would bail me out, I throw caution to the wind and buy a new house that is far too big and expensive for us. Not to worry, I voted for Obama so I’m sure my bail-out check will be here soon… All kidding aside, we actually did qualify for an $8,000 tax credit, which of course means I did the American thing and am now a proud owner of a big screen TV. I call it my Obama TV. Don’t look at me that way, buying that TV was good for our economy. Plus my hockey games look sooooo good on it.

Alright, it’s painfully obvious that I’m destined to fail in my comeback attempt to steer clear of political land mines, but I’m still gonna’ give it a shot. Also, I’ll try to add a few blog posts covering stuff I missed the last few years, and I promise to do my best to stay on track and focus on my day to day life and family while not mentioning anything to do with politics at all. =) Yea, right.

When you see those people with a “Support Our Troops” bumper sticker, does it really confuse you when they also have a “I Voted for Bush” bumper sticker? It simply isn’t possible to support both, unless you are completely uninformed and/or a idiot.

Here are a few samples of how the Bush Administration supports our American troops in Iraq:

BUSH HAS ABANDONED NATIONAL GUARD AND RESERVE -
Today President Bush will speak to members of the Idaho National Guard, which has almost 2,000 soldiers currently serving in Iraq. But he won’t talk about how the war in Iraq has stretched the nation’s forces to the breaking point, forcing the military to ask America’s citizen-soldiers to put their lives on hold for increasingly extended periods of time without giving their families the support they need. Bush owes the soldiers and families of the National Guard and Reservists an explanation and an apology. [Wall Street Journal Online, 8/24/05]

GUARDSMEN AND RESERVISTS OVEREXTENDED -
Reservists Make Up Growing Percentage of Active-Duty Troops. In the first year of Operation Iraqi Freedom, Reservists and National Guardsmen made up about 25 percent of troops in Iraq. Currently, Reserve and National Guard members make up an estimated 35 percent of the troops in Iraq. Acknowledging a harsh reality, retired chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Hugh Shelton, said that the military is becoming heavily reliant on reservists and national guardsmen to maintain commitment abroad. He said “I don’t think we can sustain that much longer.” [Dallas Morning News, 7/31/05; San Francisco Chronicle, 5/9/04; AP, 5/12/04; AP, 5/17/04]

MEMBERS OF NATIONAL GUARD TOOK PAY CUTS TO FIGHT IN IRAQ, THEN HAD TROUBLE GETTING PAID AT ALL -
A January 2004 GAO report studied six different Army Guard units and found Army Guard soldiers were being denied timely and accurate payroll payments. The report found that, “Overall, 450 of the 481 (94 percent) Army Guard soldiers from our six case study units had at least one pay problem associated with their mobilization. In addition, our limited review of the pay experiences of the soldiers in the Colorado Army Guard’s 220th Military Police Company, who are currently deployed to Iraq, indicated that some of the same types of pay problems that we found in our six case study units continued to occur.” [GAO Report, "Army National Guard Personnel Mobilized to Active Duty Experienced Significant Pay Problems," 1/28/04]

Surveys in 2004 showed that 40 percent of reservists and National Guard soldiers make less money while mobilized than they earned in their civilian jobs. Surveys of all Guard and reserve personnel found that among mobilized troops whose pay was cut, the average reduction was $3,000, although some took pay cuts in the tens of thousands. [Washington Post, 11/11/04]

NATIONAL GUARD AND RESERVE SHORTED EQUIPMENT -
In July 2005, the GAO found that “Army Reserve units are not generally allotted all of the equipment they need to deploy.” Since September 11th, commanders have required deploying units to have 90 percent of their required equipment, yet in February 2005 the Army Reserve reported it had about 76 percent of the equipment it requires, an estimate that includes older equipment. [GAO, "An Integrated Plan is Needed to Address Army Reserve Personnel and Equipment Shortages." Rpt # GAO-05-660, 7/12/05]

Already suffering from manpower shortages, the National Guard’s overstretched forces are being confronted with another problem: not enough equipment to supply Guard troops at home. “To fully equip troops in Iraq, the Pentagon has stripped local Guard units of about 24,000 pieces of equipment. That has left Guard units at home, already seriously short of gear.” [Detroit Free Press, 6/13/05]

“Some Army maintenance chiefs, in desperation, are using their own credit cards to make purchases. One soldier, who asked not to be identified, listed boots, goggles and protein bars as particularly coveted items.” [MSNBC.com, 4/15/04]

HEALTH CARE FOR RESERVISTS LIMITED -
Congressman Douglas Hunter, Republican Chairman of the Armed Services Committee, removed a provision from the Defense Department budget that would extend health coverage to all reservists and their families. In an attempt to justify his actions, Hunter stated that, in fact, Reservists and their families have coverage from 90 days before mobilization until at least 120 days after they return, so extended coverage was not needed. [Biloxi Sun Herald, 5/28/05]

If you want to support our troops, please
don’t support them the way Bush does…

A nationwide poll asks -
Q:
Do you believe elected officials in Washington are truly working in the national interest?
A:
CLICK HERE for answer.

I’ve decided to go ahead and plop down some major bucks for a digital camera, and by major bucks I mean major bucks for moi’. I’ve never spent more than about 50 bucks on a camera, and that was way back before digital cameras became so popular. I actually do have a digital camera now, however it came free with the purchase of a Canon printer. LOL.

Anyway, I’m serious about this, I’m going all -out and purchasing an equally serious photographic tool. After a couple weeks of research I’ve narrowed it down to the Canon Digital Rebel, the Nikon D70s, or perhaps the Nikon D50. The D50 is pretty much the same camera as the D70, minus only a few features that I won’t understand how to use anyway, but a bit cheaper. The Rebel is cheaper than both Nikon cameras, although it comes with a crappy lens that will almost certainly need to be replaced thus adding to the start up costs. All three cameras take absolutely stunning photos though, you really can’t go wrong. Hmmm, decisions decisions…

All of these cameras are too expensive for me and are actually waaaay more camera than I probably need. What’s more, regardless of which one I end up buying my wife is gonna castrate me.

Wish me luck…

Nikon D70s

Canon Digital Rebel

Nikon D50

The Discovery Channel recently aired the conclusion of their Greatest American contest. Viewers were invited to vote for the Greatest American of all time, and the Greatest American of All-Time is:
Former United States President, Ronald Reagan.

President Reagan was born February 6th, 1911, in Tampico Illinois. The former actor / Governor of California, Reagan held the office of United States President from 1981-1989. Reagan is probably best known for selling weapons to Iran to assist in terrorist activities and so they could use the weapons to kill American soldiers in the future, followed of course by his world class “brain fart” concerning the entire Iran -Contra scandal where he took the art of cowardice to new heights in allowing Oliver North to play the role of scape goat.

Reagan is also quite famous for developing the economic policies that ended the so-called “American middle-class” thus creating an epic divide, forever widening the gap between the nations rich and the nations poor. Reagan is just as famous for the skillful methods his administration utilized in keeping the nation in the dark concerning the onset and subsequent spread of the AIDS virus until it had indeed reached epidemic proportions.

Oh, my bad, I meant to say that is what “I” remember best about Reagan. LOL. The American media will certainly remember him as a great communicator and for creating “Reaganomics”.

Here is the top 10 list of Discovery Channels Greatest Americans:
1 Ronald Reagan
2 Abraham Lincoln
3 Martin Luther King
4 George Washington
5 Benjamin Franklin
6 George W Bush
7 Bill Clinton
8 Elvis Presley
9 Oprah Winfrey
10 Franklin D Roosevelt
11 Dennis Rader – the BTK Killer

EDIT -
The only thing more hilarious than Reagan being voted the Greatest American of all-time is seeing George W. Bush also on the list. I added Dennis Rader at the number 11 spot, unofficially. I mean, if killers like George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan can make the list then what harm could it be to add yet another murderer for my own amusement.
=)

I stole this from somewhere on the net:

1. The urinal buffer zone – Guys will often stand one urinal away from the next guy when going in a public bathroom. Is it because we are scared some guy may look over at our johnson or do we just not want to get our pants lag pissed on?

2. The race – Sometimes I will flush the toilet right as I start to pee. I try to race the toilet to see if I can finish before the water completely flushes, in part so nobody hears my pee splashing into the water but primarily just to win the race.

3. The porcelain mute – While peeing, if you aim for the porcelain inside the toilet instead of the water, it makes a lot less noise. Does anyone else do this or is it just me?

4. The urinal puck – When peeing in a urinal that has one of those deodorant soap bars at the bottom, it’s fun to pee on the edge of it to make it move. I’m a hockey fan and I like saying “He shoots, he scores” as I scoot the urinal puck along.

5. The little kids ass – Usually little kids don’t know how to use the zipper or the little flap through the underwear, so they’ll pull their pants all the way down to their ankles while standing on their tip-toes and using the urinal. So often times, you’ll walk into the bathroom and get an eye full of some little kid’s ass. Try not to laugh…

6. Watering the plants – When peeing outside near a plant, I don’t usually pee just around the plant or at the base of it. For some reason I feel an uncontrolable urge to cover the entire plant in urine… no idea why. Perhaps some primative instinct to mark my territory.

7. The melt – When peeing in a urinal that has ice in it, it is (for some reason) fun to see how much ice you can melt before you’re finished. Bonus points if you melt all of the ice…